Candidate from Hell

If I was to honestly answer all the HR questions asked during an interview i imagine it would go something like this:

(The characters and events depicted in this article are fictional except for me being genuinely awesome, and any resemblance to persons living, dead, or fictional or situations past, present, or fictional is purely and completely coincidental.)

Q1) Why did you apply for this job?

(This question pissed me off because it fails to make sense to me plus the HR guy was kind of giving me attitude and consequently i was fuming the entire time during my interview)

My Reply: Were you born stupid or life did this to you? Obviously i want to earn big bucks that's why i am here, jackass.

Q2) Why do you want to work for this company?

My Reply: Because i am awesome and i want to give a once in a life time opportunity to this particular company to be awesome by extension

Q3) Why should I hire you?

My Reply: What kind of a retarded, redundant question is this, didn't you hear me answer your previous question

Q4) What would you do if we hire you?

My Reply: Sit on my ass and look dashing all day, talk the talk and avoid any actual work, indulge in politics full time, create chaos and havoc amongst other employees, demoralize and harass them and make them feel insecure about their abilities and doubt their existence etc etc

Q5) What is your biggest strength?

My Reply: My Biceps pumping max power into my wrist while serving a five knuckle sandwich to jokers like you whenever they open their stinking Mithai hole

Q6) What is your biggest weakness?

My Reply: A swift kick to my nut sack

Q7) What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

My Reply: Coming here today for an interview, and i learned that buffoons like you should always be kept away from society

Q8) What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

My Reply: Made my boss cry on more than one occasions

Q9) Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

My Reply: I was required to work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. I messed up the entire attendance system so i only worked 7 hours a day and the system marked my working hours as 10

Q10) Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

My Reply: Company no longer allows me the freedom to work naked and according to the female employees this has made their lives a living hell

Q11) What do you want from this job?

My Reply: The less i work the more respect, appreciation and financial rewards i get

Q12) What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

My Reply: Looking forward to being the C.E.O of the company i work for and for that will do everything to inflict pain and stress on the current CEO until he suffers a life ending stroke or goes insane, whichever happens first

Q13) How Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

My Reply: I heard about the CEO being a good humanitarian and decided to misuse his goodness for my personal agendas

Q14) What is the salary expected and how do you justify that?

My Reply: Well me being born awesome is more than enough to render the justification argument invalid and since no amount of money compares to how epic I am, i can consider letting your company hire a legendary figure such as myself, if the company agrees to make me a partner in profit only and agrees to bear the burden of loss by itself.

In my mind i imagine i got the job and after sometime replaced the current CEO and then lived happily ever after and oh yes after my interview was over the HR guy had this look of astonishment and amazement kind of like he was shocked, lost or something so i bitch slapped him a couple of times thus ending his pathetic little existence.