STFU Zulfiqar Mirza

Just when Karachi breathed a little sigh of relief from all the commotion, useless targeted and random killings, Zulfiqar Mirza once again lights the entire city on fire via the ethnicity flame. The question here is, why would someone in their right mind do such a despicable thing? The answer unfortunately is more than obvious, Political Gains at the cost of human lives. People such as Zulfiqar Mirza know that they don't have the power to give the gift of life to anyone but they unfortunately have the absolute corrupt power to loot, kill, plunder and manipulate. I was watching the news conference live on T.V and just as he uttered those words i said to myself, may god have mercy on Karachi. I knew that tomorrow would not be a good day for Karachi and for the people living in Karachi because of a fool running his mouth uncontrollably.

I also saw some people dragging ZM away from the podium after he was done setting Karachi on fire, because they knew that he had completed his job and achieved the desired target.I also saw Shahi Syed standing besides ZM and smirking away with every foul word uttered by ZM.While coming to my office today i saw many people standing on the roads, waiting for some mode of public transport but unfortunately it was no where to be found. And since our ever some "competent" government had decided to ban pillion riding, i wasn't even able to offer someone a lift. This is what humanity has come to in Karachi, even if you want you cannot help someone in distress and need. And yet the people in power continue to live a shameless life of leisure and luxury while in a delusional state of "Everything is A OK'.

I also saw some people with a very worried look on their face, holding tools in their hands that identified them as Daily Wagers. I don;t care whether ZM is in love with Afaq or Altaf or Iblees, but since he is directly responsible for the unrest today, he should be made to feed the people whose lives depend on the wages that they earn on a daily basis.

And coming onto what he said about "Bhooka Nanaga" people arriving in Sindh after partition and local people of Sindh supporting them, well Mr ZM, Quaid-e-Azam worked day and night to get an independent country for the Nanga Bhooka people, so if you have any problems with them arriving here then its best that you should leave this country and as this would be a welcome step towards making Pakistan a Better Country. Also don't forget to take your boss with you.

Terror Idol

After a much awaited and rather joyful demise of the reigning sultan of suicidal psychos, it’s time once again that the people behind the NWO philosophy elect a new Terror Idol to further advance their agenda. The last idol was chosen unanimously by all the judges and he successfully continued to terrify the world for 13 consecutive years (1998 – 2011). But, since even the best thought out plans too must come to an end and so did Osama Bin Laden, May his soul burn in the deepest, darkest corner of hell till eternity. Since the last season of the Terror Idol, the producers have decided on a number of changes including the voting (selection) process and the judges’ panel.

For this season of the Terror Idol, the judging panel comprises of fresh faces. The set of rules governing this show are very strict and stringent regarding who can be on the judging panel, the nationality of the judges and the selection process of a new symbol of terror. Only the face of the judges is allowed to change but their belonging and their undying support for everything anti humanity, nasty, and creepy, however has to remain the same. So without further ado, let me introduce the judges’ panel for this season of The Terror Idol. The first person to be on this panel is none other than Mr. Barack Obama. Barack Hussein Obama is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election. (Source: Wikipedia)

The second person on the panel can be none other than Mr. Benjamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel. Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu is the Prime Minister of Israel. He serves also as the Chairman of the Likud Party, as a Knesset member, as the Health Minister of Israel, as the Pensioner Affairs Minister of Israel and as the Economic Strategy Minister of Israel. (Source: Wikipedia)

The last but certainly not the least member of the panel is the one and only Abdullah, the King of Saudi Arabia. Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, is the current King of Saudi Arabia. On August 1, 2005, he succeeded to the throne upon the death of his half-brother, King Fahd. Previously, as Crown Prince, he governed Saudi Arabia as regent from 1996 to 2005. He has been Commander of Saudi Arabian National Guard from 1962 to November 2010. He is one of the world's wealthiest royals. (Source: Wikipedia)

Since the last season of the Terror Idol was aired some 13 years ago, I think it is necessary to give you all an overview of how things work on this “show”. Terror Idol is a reality show the aim of which is to find the next “Terrorstar”. The show is created by the enemies of humanity and produced by the stolen, hard earned money of the pathetic, easy to manipulate masses, otherwise known as the people living in the world. The concept of this series is to bring forth, the next big thing in the world of terror, war, espionage, conspiracies and international black mailing.

As for the panel of judges, only the wickedest and most evil people in the world are allowed to be on it. Along with being wicked, it is mandatory that they should have the power to manipulate and shape public opinions through the excessive use of propaganda, money and brute, merciless force. According to the international ratings, the last season of the Terror Idol was a huge hit, both with the masses and classes, so the producers felt that someone from Saudi Arabia should continue to be on the judging panel since it involves branding Islam as a religion of blood thirsty freaks. Moreover, the rules clearly state the America and Israel have to be on the judging panel at any cost. Previously, the third chair of the judging panel was warmed by none other than the Queen of England herself. Saudi Arabia gladly agreed for the position of the third judge because of the "Iranophobia" and because it wants to avoid "Anarchy" by keeping the Monarchy alive for generations and generations. Also, it was felt by the producers that since the Saudis want to enforce their version of Islam on the rest of the Muslim world, they will gladly invest and fund the winner, all in the name of Islam and Jihad.

About the other two chairs, Israel is on the judging panel because of the obvious reason of turning the eyes of the world away from the heinous crimes committed by it against the unarmed and poorly organized men, women and children of Palestine and blatantly labeling them as terrorists. Israel succeeds in doing so all because of the nut cases such as OBL that give Islam and Jihad a completely twisted meaning.

America of course has to be a judge since it desperately wants to continue to dominate the rest of the world as the only "Super Power" and wants to poke its nose in everything unnecessarily whether it belongs there or not. To do so it has to have a reason and so it has decided to use Islam conveniently to violate international territories and boundaries and freaks like OBL gladly agree to be its ambassador.

The winner is selected on the basis of how much blood he can shed in the shortest span of time. The more innocent people die, the better his chances of winning. The net body count is taken as the vote, and on this basis the contestant is crowned as the undisputed Terror Idol. The contestant is required to be a complete package of terror, and because of this, the contestant is also judged on the basis of how much pain and suffering he can inflict on people belonging to a particular nation, race, religion or sect.

Now, moving on to this season's contestants. After auditioning hundreds of people, the panel has decided on three finalists. The names of this season's finalists are:

1. Hakimullah Mehsud
2. Aiman Al Zawahiri
3. Saif al Adel

The long list of achievements of all the three finalists can be read on wikipedia.

The winner is yet to be officially announced but the pundits, gurus, and mindless fanatic zombies are all pointing towards Saif al Adel despite the great talent of beheading, suicide bombing, and reckless endangerment of humanity displayed by Hakimullah. Personally i think the judges are biased and don't want to crown a Paki as the undisputed and ultimate symbol of terror and fear. Once again, Pakistan will have to achieve this glory on its own but i am very hopeful because I know for a fact that Hakimullah with the help of the devil will do his level best in getting us this crown and getting Pakistan labeled as an otherwise incompetent but a competent enough terrorist country.

Hell Called, Your Place is Reserved

Finally some glad tidings, Osama Dustbin Unladen has been officially laid to rest. Good riddance, the world now has one less A-Quality, Fanatic, A-hole to deal with. But it would have been better for Pakistan if his ass wasn’t bombed in Pakistan. What now awaits us is a new wave of finger pointing, endless whining and the nonstop strings of told you sos from the rest of the countries in the world especially the expert in mind numbing whining and nagging, India.

The TTP has obviously denounced the death of their sugar daddy similarly as they did when the crap was blown out of their illegitimate dad Baitullah Mehsud. The high level intelligence officials in Pakistan too are keeping their mouths firmly shut in fear of not getting more funds to loot and plunder. The government officials have chose not to utter a single statement on this issue fearing being publicly and permanently tattooed as America’s Bitch and the army too is hiding behind covers fearing attacks on their buses and convoys.

Mr Obama told the press that he got in touch with the President of Pakistan before this operation and “informed” him about the events about to unfold. That’s mighty great of Mr Obama to “inform” us before hand. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Obama: Yo Zardari, what up?
Zardari: Nuffin much, just chillin, relaxin, corruptin
Obama: Dude, I called for some serious shit, we found Bin Laden, he’s in Pakistan
Zardari: OMG Really, you aren’t fu**ing with me, are you?
Obama: No man I am serious, we found him dead in Afghanistan, bought his body to Pakistan and now we are about to launch an operation to kill his dead body. You down with that?
Zardari: Man, why did you kill him, he was the reason we was getting all the security, protocol and everything.
Obama: Dude, elections are coming up in 2012, this time a video message wasn’t enough to guarantee my win and his satellite phone bills were getting ridiculously high, plus he was making unreasonable demands like attending the royal wedding and shit.
Zardari: what about the reward you guys were offering, whose gonna get that reward?
Obama: Man, stop talkin about money, you’ll get your share
Zardari: Ok then, I am ready to get jiggy with it
Obama: Tell Kiyani and others to co-operate or else I will unleash Petraeus on their asses.
Zardari: Ok, but they were asking for an increase in the defense budget
Obama: Man, they can have their hike in budget, Aiman and Omar are there to keep the threats real. I am about to pop open a bottle of champagne, I don’t have time to discuss this shit now. Watch me on the TV, I am about to address my peeps, just hired a new stylist, tell me how I look
Zardari: Dude, you always look good, If you were a women and white I swear I would be all over you

Obama: Man, don’t say all that, Wiki might be hearing, ok then later dude.

Update:

I got some criticism from some of my readers telling me that my behavior was not appropriate towards the death of a fellow "Muslim". Well, if that is the case than i choose to mourn the death of Saif-ul-Islam Gadhhafi. Even though he is accused of misuse of and getting drunken with power, atleast he did not malign islam, his actions did not make life a living hell for muslims all over the world and he did not lead astray an entire generation of what could have been some of the greatest minds of the muslim world.

Karachi, a Synonym for Awesome

Some and i mean some of the things/people/places/activities which add to the awesomeness of Karachi are:

The dedication and vision of Syed Mustafa Kamal
The awe inspiring web of Flyovers
The Sleek Underpasses
Bugging shop keepers while window shopping at Tariq Road
But actually buying at Light House and Macchi Miyani
The hunt for bargains at Bohri Bazar and Gul Plaza
The guilty pleasure of dating at Bagh Ibn-e-Qasim
Spending quality family time at Safari Park
Traveling in the world famous W-11
Visiting history at Empress Market
The honorable presence of Abdul Sattar Edhi
Witnessing Miracles at the Shrine of Adbullah Shah Ghazi
Eying eye candies at Zamzama
Relaxing after a long day at Sea View
Forgetting the routine troubles of life via a Boat ride at Kemari
Satisfying Faluda cravings at Baloch Ice Cream
Juicing it up at Agha Juice
Shopping wholesale at Chhadi Lane
Paying respect at  Mazar-e-Quaid
Dealing with Karachi Police
The Grandeur of Jinnah Terminal
Searching for and buying automotive spare parts at Shershah and Ranchor Line
Meeting people of different backgrounds and ethnicity
Battling and surviving the traffic at M.A Jinnah Road
Studying while avoiding politics at Karachi University
Visiting and harassing Turtles at Turtle Beach on the night of a full moon
Thanking God for everytime for the easy availability of Pirated cheap copies of different software's at Rainbow Center
Devouring more than delicious food at burns road
Enjoying cool Gola Gandas at Dhora ji
The presence of historical churches and Mohatta Palace
The feeling of serenity while feeding the fish from native jetty bridge
Imagining freedom while feeding the pigeons at the Sindh Assembly round about
The look of Karachi and the way the Buildings look after it rains
Witnessing random acts of kindness by people from all walks of life
The naturally charitable nature of people of karachi who are forcefully labeled as being poor, when in fact they are the richest in the world in terms of humanity
And last but not the least because i live in Karachi

(The awesomeness of Karachi is by no means limited only to the above mentioned facts but this is all i could come up with)

Every one who lives in Karachi automatically qualifies as awesome by extension, a city with a never say die attitude, a city which is the mother of all cities in Pakistan, a city which is unfortunately no longer the city of lights but its heart still glows with the light of kindness and a caring nature which only a mother possesses and i want to end this piece of text on the note saying " I LOVE YOU MA, I LOVE MA KARACHI"

Mother Road

As i walk on the road of life heading towards my unknown destination predefined in the books of destiny, i can't help but wonder where are we heading as a nation? I mean we are a nation of people who are unnaturally attracted towards the road itself and the least bit bothered about the destination. Our fascination and fixation with the road began as soon as we chose to travel on the road to freedom in the August of 1947.

With the passage of time a sad road centric culture has unfortunately developed in our country. For example we record our protest on the road, we celebrate on the road, we take our frustrations out on the road, we express anger on the road, we throw garbage on the road, we spit on the road, we use the road as a latrine, we pray on the road, we burn tires and vehicles on the road, we fight on the road, we hold naming ceremonies for the road as if it was our own child, we rename the road as per our requirements, we rally on the road, we use the road as an income generating machine by digging and rebuilding it, we express joy on the road and often we use the road to travel from point A to B.

For us the road to happiness is the road itself, for our political parties the worst case scenario is having no M.A Jinnah Road to lead a protesting mob, for our small business owners the road provides ample opportunities to encroach and establish a business, for our police men the road provides for them "Bhatta" from the "Theas" and public transport buses, for the beggars a good spot on the road means a handsome monthly tax free income, for the homeless the road provides shelter, for the hungry the road has enough food to feed them and for our leaders the road is a perfect place to lie, cheat and steal.
 
Come to think of it the road is very much like our mother, it provides food, clothing and shelter for us and loves us unconditionally and we in-turn show our gratitude by hurting and destroying it whenever we feel like doing so similarly like we treat our real mother's. I hope our fascination with the road ends soon so we can focus and concentrate our energy on the things which are more important than using the road for our own demented personal objectives.

Funny People

Today i was stuck in a terribly bad traffic jam at Tibet Centre for about a painful hour or so.  Since i had nothing else to do besides inhaling toxic fumes coming from the buses, listening to the god-awful, psychologically torturing noise coming from the rickshaws and noticing how motorcycle riders will do anything to get passed the traffic jam by using the footpath as the 4th lane of traffic or by being a nuisance zigzagging in front of other cars, i diverted my attention from the fact that no matter what i do i will never get this hour of my life back which i spent slow poisoning myself by observing the doings of the people around me.

As i looked around searching and scanning the proximity for anything remotely interesting besides the Rickshaw driver next to me putting his hand under his kameez and enjoying the sensation of scratching his sweaty armpits and right after eating a samosa with the same hand, i noticed some commotion coming from a mini bus. A mini bus as we all know is always at the heart of exciting and intriguing chain of events so naturally i too rose from my seat to investigate the happenings currently under way in or should i say on the mini bus.

What i saw next was of course filled with irony but was also funny like nothing i had seen in the past couple of years. Two guys sitting on the roof of the mini bus had gotten into a fight and the rest of the roof dwellers were trying their best to stop them but were also trying their best to avoid falling off from the roof of the mini bus, which could later be reported by the leading news channels as synchronized failed suicide attempt by a group of people. The two guys both were in a very awkward position because of the limited availability of space and safety measures provided by the owner of the minibus so they were busy fighting while laying down in a fetal position both holding on to the legs of the other street fighting artist.

In the meanwhile the verbal battle continued on ferociously and i lost count of the women mentioned by name or by relation. When the roof crowd gave up on their efforts to stop the brawl, the driver had to get involved by standing on the entrance by which he enters the driving area and he started trying to somehow separate the two young guns from making a mockery of the sacred roof top of the minibus but he too failed to break the bond of anger and revenge between the two passengers from hell.

This went on for sometime and eventually two Rangers appeared from their mobile which was also stuck in the traffic jam and did the thing for which they are famous for. One ranger pulled the driver down, got up on the entrance and smacked both of the fighters silly. While the other ranger got on top of the roof and brought the guys down by their collars. Things would have gotten more interesting but sadly the traffic started moving and the rangers let them off the hook by giving stringent warnings and lecturing them about the code of conduct while traveling on the roof of a moving vehicle.

I have no doubt in my mind that something like this could only happen in Pakistan, not because of the people happily traveling on the roof of a public transport vehicle and paying the conductor to degrade them, i have seen similar scenes in India where people commute via a train's rooftop but a fight on the roof is our monopoly, only we are this fearless, no other nation or country compares or comes remotely close.

Long live Pakistan, the land of Fierce, Fearless Hearts and long live our transport system for giving a platform to our star fighters to make their debut Nationally .(no pun or sarcasm intended, i seriously mean it)

Eid Mubarak

Farewell Ramazan Kareem, a time of abstinence, a time of refrain, a time for divine blessings and a time of receiving joy and bounties, farewell. It's time for Eid now, the time to smile, be happy and the time to let the happiness shine through. I would like to specially convery Eid greetings to the flood IDP's and the brave mother of the two brothers of Sialkot who are now a symbol of human brutality and mob cowardliness. The news of the perpetrators of this heinous crime being successfully apprehended and convicted brings some much needed joy on this otherwise flood drenched Eid.

This Eid is not like the previous eids celebrated by us us a nation and as muslim's. Back in 2005 we found the courage to halt all festivities in honor and in favor of the Earth Quake victims and effectees and this year we will show complete solidarity sharing the same sentiments for our flood affected brothers and sisters. Knowing that the nation is wholeheartedly participating in helping the victims is in fact Eid in itself. Congratulation Pakistan and Pakistanis for showing the world, shutting them up and ending all speculations about us being a divided and patriotically dead herd of sheep rather than a nation. We are a nation and will insha ALLAH remain a proud, mentally, ethically, morally and religiously glued nation. Let us also hope that this eid somehow brings another miracle with itself, a miracle which will cure our corruption plagued leaders, will end all political bigotry and will also end the epic but utter rubbish cat-fight between the judiciary and the government.

Suicide Blogger

Have you ever thought about what would happen if bloggers were brainwashed into becoming extremist, fundamentalist terrorist's?.What harm, pain and suffering would they be able to inflict on the common man and to what extent? Now using or misusing various modern day acronyms i will try to paint a scenario where blogs and bloggers are humanity's worst nightmare and are considered to be public enemy number 1:

A News Caster on CNN breaking the following news:
TBP = Tehreek-e-Bloggeraan Pakistan an offshoot of Afghani Bloggers claims responsibility for the deadly verbal attack in Karachi.

President Bush vows to take a strong stance against the Axis of Adjectives

The CIA submits its reports on finding Sentences of mass destruction in Iraq to the Congress

We fear that Noun Weapons and Verb Bombs could fall into the wrong blogger's hands in Pakistan: President Obama

Saddam Hussain has warned that if America decides to invade Iraq, it would take him just one click to update his blog and unleash the fury via RSS feeds

According to our overseas correspondent in Afghanistan Wordpress Umar is the spiritual commander of the Afghan Bloggers and Blogspot Mehsud is the leader of Tehreek-e-Bloggeraan Pakistan both sharing a common bond and love of a mutual target, to beat the infidel's blog in back links and securing the top spot in search results

Al-Qontent is the extremist element in the ranks of the Afghan bloggers which is held responsible for the epic demise of the fundamentalist afghan blogger regime. Al-Qontent is accused for carrying out various Black Hat SEO techniques on numerous blogs causing the Page Rank of the said blogs to tumble down: APP Sources

Osama dustbin Laden is the chief blogger and Ayman az Zawahiri is the official editor and proof reader of Al-Qontent

The captured blogger has disclosed valuable information regarding his training as a Suicide Blogger, when asked about the training he said, during my training i was taught how to use alphabets to assemble words and sentences and how to use them in a deadly and ferocious way to cause maximum psychological damage whenever the text comes in contact with the human eyes and as well as physical damage through paper cuts if someone was to print my block of text on a piece of paper.

Dear God

The past few days have been devastating for Pakistan and the people of Pakistan. From the gruesome killing of Mian Arshad, the only son of Iftikhar Hussain to the flood in Khyber Pakhtunkhua it seems like its Pakistan’s turn to face a number of sudden unpleasant chain of surprises. We weren’t done mourning over the tragedy of Data Darbar yet and here we are holding on to our hearts in remembrance of the unfortunate demise of the people aboard Air Blue's flight. What’s happening with us, why all of a sudden so many tear-filled tidings and occurrences? I hope it’s not what I think it is, the countdown for us is over, the time limit has been exceeded and our number has been called.


Oh Almighty we know we were busy cutting a cake for Zardari Sahab on his birthday when Mian Arshad was brutally murdered,

Oh Almighty we know we were busy ordering Bullet proof vehicles so we were not able to compensate the families of the victims of Data Darbar massacre,

Oh Almighty we know we were busy in plotting out our next political move when the Air Blue plane crashed,

Oh Almighty we know we were thinking of new ways of corruption when people were begging to be saved from the devastation caused by floods in Khyber Pakhtunkhua

Oh Almighty we know we were busy overeating and wasting valuable food when people were killing their children and committing suicide because of hunger

Oh Almighty we know we were stealing from the aid received for the displaced survivors of the catastrophic 2005 earth quake instead of helping them

Oh Almighty we know we have wrongfully abducted and imprisoned several people just because of some measly dollars,

Oh Almighty we know we were bickering and fighting over water and hence you sent down a flood to resolve our petty issues,

Oh Almighty we know we are guilty of hoarding when you blessed us with abundance,

Oh Almighty these are but just a few things that we are truly ashamed of, you know best how long the list is, Oh dear god please, please forgive our sins, like you have in the past. Do not be hasty in punishing us, deal with us with mercy and not with justice. We know we have wronged ourselves and others but please we beg you Oh the only great one, please grant us another opportunity to do good onto us and onto others. Please give us another chance to repent, to mend our ways and to prove ourselves worthy of forgiveness by helping humanity. (Ameen)

Please Follow Her

Fri Jul 16 COPPELL, Texas – A city official says the mayor of an upscale Dallas suburb who investigators believe shot dead her teenage daughter before killing herself had been facing a spending review.

City Manager Clay Phillips has told the Dallas Morning News that he asked the city attorney to investigate Coppell (kuh-PEL') Mayor Jayne Peters' city-issued credit card use. The Friday report says Phillips did not provide details of the questionable charges since October.

Foreclosure Listing Service records show Peters' home was foreclosed on last July.( Source Yahoo.com)

Here we have it; the mayor of a small town in USA committed suicide along with her daughter because she didn’t have enough means and measures to support herself and her daughter all the while being the "Mayor" of a small town. Can we imagine something like that happening in Pakistan? Unthinkable is the one syllable answer, our Nazims or MPA’s do not commit suicide firstly because they don't have to and secondly if committing suicide is a form of a sick twisted ritual, then they have people who perform this inhumanely unholy ritual everyday of the week, all over Pakistan, round the year.

It does not matter how bleak the situation is, the absolute worst that the world throws at you does not justify suicide, it just doesn’t, but I wish our politicians take this women as an example and start following in her footsteps so we the people could finally see some light at the end of the tunnel and start hoping once again.

Since we know that our politicians will never ever face a situation of financial rigidness, here are some suggestions to motivate them to go for it and end their life before we, the people end ours:

1) Not getting the agreed upon percentage in an under the table deal

2) Not getting a bullet proof vehicle for their kids to go to school in

3) Not getting a personal helicopter and a helipad

4) Not getting the status of being officially untouchable

5) Not getting the status of being god

6) Not getting the citizen ship of a European Country

7) Not being officially declared as above the law

8) Not being officially declared as exempted from every type of taxation

9) Not getting their faces printed on the currency notes

10) Not getting a Nishan-e-Imtiaz and a mausoleum space reserved for them during their lifetime

I sincerely hope our filthy politicians perform this ritual on themselves ASAP so Pakistan can finally get rid of the Bad Omen surrounding us for the past 63 long and painful years.

You Know

You know you are poor when you sit outside of your house with your laptop turning on its WIFI hoping to steal someone else's wireless

You know you are poor when you wait late at night to steal petrol from someone else's car to use it in your own

You know you are poor when you dream of saving your farts to use as CNG

You know you are poor when you wish you were there at the latest Oil Spill just so you could have collected a free year's supply of oil

You know you are poor when you insist that the man filling petrol lets the very last drop of petrol drop into your petrol tank

You know you are poor when you believe that 2 tooth brushes are enough to last a year

You know you are poor when you do not order delivery to save the tip

You know you are poor when you are hungry as hell but still wait till midnight just to avail the midnight deal

You know you are poor when you ask is there any discount on the buy 1 get1 free deal

You know you are poor when you are constantly on the hunt for deals on anything

You know you are poor when the thought of shopping at Makro turns you on

You know you are poor when you proudly show off your Suzuki FX

You know you are poor when you president asks for aid, from Ethiopia

You know you are poor when you start calculating how much you’ve spent on your kids

You know you are poor when you polish your shoes once a year

You know you are poor when you supposedly go away on a trip just to avoid giving Eidi to kids

You know you are poor when you slaughter a chicken on Eid-ul-Adha

You know you are poor when the bank’s recovery people insist on giving you money

You know you are poor when you use a dial up connection to connect to the internet

You know you are poor when you color you hair black with crayons

You know you are poor when you write your name; address and telephone number on a piece of paper and use it as your visiting card

You know you are poor when you and your wife both use the same cell phone

You know you are poor when you continuously look at the ground while walking in the hope of finding some money

You know you are poor when you bargain over fees with your doctor

You know you are poor when you fake a serious illness just because the ambulance ride costs less than a cab

You know you are poor when no bank offers to give you credit cards

You know you are poor when you try to save your good mood for later use

You know you are poor when beggars on the traffic signal bug every car except yours

You know you are poor when you President is Asif Ali Zardari

You know you are poor when you wait for load shedding to enjoy a candle light dinner, at home

You know you are poor when you still have a ball mouse instead of an optical

You know you are poor when thieves at gun point rob artificial jewelery off your wife and you go to the police station to launch an FIR against them

You know you are poor when a mosquito coil serves two purposes at your home, to drive away mosquitoes and act as a room freshener

You know you are poor when cockroaches at your house commit suicide to avoid death by hunger

You know you are poor when the vendors at light house know you by name

What i want

I want Pakistan to be like the Incredible Hulk, take no shit from anyone and smash to bits everything that comes in my way attitude.
I want Pakistan to be like a reverse swinging in swinging yorker, you miss i hit
I want Pakistan to be like Mc Gyver, resourceful at using anything and everything as a weapon
I want Pakistan to be like Zidane, headbutting every country in the world that tries to annoy us
I want Pakistan to spank the living daylights out of India out of Kashmir
I want Pakistan to show up as the toughest fu**ing mad ass fighter at every UN meeting
I want Pakistan to stick dynamite sticks up every TTP member's poo hole and light it
I want Pakistan to make an action figure of Ahmedinijad and distribute it free to children
I want Pakistan to take a crap on white house's lawn
I want Pakistan to declare Kim Jong-il as its long lost fraternal brother
I want Pakistan to ask other countries to pay ransom to us for not blowing them up
I want Pakistan to name Fidel Castro as the Uncle no one talks about
I want Pakistan to stop getting involved in useless shit created by others
I want Pakistan to whip some much needed sense into Baloch Separatists
I want Pakistan to get its water back from India via missile target practice on their dams
I want Pakistan to name Abdul Qadeer Khan as the baddest Nuclear Scientist ever
I want Pakistan to form a mafia with China, Iran, North Korea and Russia and call it The Fantastic Five
I want Pakistan to employ the Queen of England as the head maid in the President's House
I want Pakistan to ask Hugo Chavez about the appearance of "balls" and how to use them

Zardari Facts

After Chuck Norris and Rajnikanth, here are some fresh facts about Zardari:

Zardari can even rob a man with no money
Zardari can multiply by zero and produce a number greater than zero
Zardari can sell you a piece of land on Mars
Zardari can make sugar taste bitter
Zardari can make anyone a bhutto
Zardari can get away with murder
Zardari can tell an absolute truth and make it sound like a complete lie
Zardari can make money without doing any business
Zardari can deceive the Devil
Zardari can teach the devil new tricks
Zardari public toilets were once made, the problem was they just wouldn't stop overflowing with shit
Zardari can be used as a new term for getting mobbed (Dude 1 : Man i got zardarid on my way back from office. Dude 2: That's so sad)
Zardari can be used as a new term for money laundering ( Jury: We find the defendant guilty of zardari. Judge: I sentence you to 20 years of imprisonment)
Zardari can be used as a brand ambassador for corruption
Zardari can control the flow of money (out of the pockets of others to his own)
Zardari can hug the Alaska out of Palin
Zardari can ask for a donation, at a beggars convention
Zardari is wrongly quoted as being the 5th Richest Person in Pakistan, when in fact he is the richest
Zardari can bug the living bejesus out of Chief Justice
Zardari can make the fake hair on Nawaz Sharif's head fall off
Zardari can bring the dead back to life, whenever he visits the cemetery the dead people run away to save their bones from being stolen

These were but just some of the facts i managed to think of about Zardari, Readers addition are most welcome.

Things that make you go hmmmmm

Here are some things (in no particular order) that are sure to make anyone go hmmmmm

• A donkey on Facebook has more fans than Zardari
• Meera talking in english
• Naveed Qamar not napping in an assembly session
• Chaudhary Shujat Hussain talking
• Musharraf saying he is not afraid of death while being surrounded with an army of body guards
• Qazi Hussain giving a Pro American speech
• Imran Khan not blaming the government for everything evil
• News Channels not blowing things out of propotion
• Government of Pakistan standing up for itself
• PPP not using Benazir as their triumph card
• Zaid Hamid's theories
• Shoaib Sania wedding Fiasco
• Saeed Ajmal holding on to a catch
• Raja pervaiz Ashraf announcing a deadline for load shedding
• Shoaib Akhter not getting injured after a match
• A Pakistani film getting nominated for an Oscar
• Traffic cops rejecting bribes
• Bilawal calling himself a Bhutto (Controversial, i know)
• An actually educated MNA
• Sheikh Rasheed not making any predictions
• Kalabagh Dam

More to come soon

Stand up for the losers

I am not a devoted follower of cricket per se but whenever Pakistan is playing i do take some time out to watch, hoping to see Pakistan loose. I know this must be sounding very unpatriotic to the readers but for a moment stop being patriotic and think from a rational point of view. Does Pakistan really deserve to win big titles with such players and performance? The answer is a plain, simple and honest no.

Luck might favor the brave but victory favors hard work. Pakistan did not and does not deserve to win while riding on the shoulders of luck alone, the glory of being crowned victorious belongs to them who keep their feet firmly planted on the foundation of hard work and dedication.

Do we ever see the players of Australia, South Africa or England complaining about luck or hidden elements of nature? no we don't, why, because hard work triumphs luck most of the time, the only team fit to curse luck is South Africa and we don't see them doing that at all, never ever.

Only cowards and sore losers blame others and other things for their failures and short comings, real men take steps to avoid failures and set backs and when they are faced with failure they do not give lame excuses to cover their own faults.

In today's match the run out of Afridi was a classic and repetitive example of a cricketer having suicidal tendencies. But that's not all, Saeed Ajmal takes the cake for being the hero for England. Thank God he is able to hold on to his set own set of balls better then a cricket ball. I wonder if and when the management of the Pakistani cricket team sends him off to England or any other foreign country to get him examined for the holes in his hands. But will he or we learn anything from it? No way, we are too proud a team, a team of Talentless, Money Hungry Fame Whores.

Whenever i see the manipulative face of Kamran Akmal my blood starts to boil, i don't understand, why the hell is he still in the team. How hard is it for a keeper to collect the ball cleanly and hit the stumps. Why don't Sangakara or Brandon Mc Cullum act like morons while in the field. Why is Pakistan the only team to be bestowed with this honor of having a moronic under qualified wicket keeper.

Now for the cherry on the cake, we have a notorious match fixer himself as a fielding coach. Having known this fact and mentioned it here i believe i should stop writing because it all makes perfect sense now, the coach, the players and the fielding.

Congratulations to England for being the better team and playing a better game, lets see what excuse our great captain comes up with in his press conference.

From the Elite to the People of Pakistan

We will we will rob you
We will we will rob you

People you are our slaves trapped in vice
Protesting on the roads attempting to change us nice
We throw mud on your face
And Vanish without trace
Killing your dreams with malice

We will we will rob you
We will we will rob you

People you all are dumb ignorant mice
Protesting on the roads attempting to change us nice
You shed your blood for our race
Waving our flag with high pace
And in return get disgraced

We will we will rob you
We will we will rob you

People you all are fool poor men
Pleading with your eyes Bleeding, ending your worthless lives
We throw mud on your face
And Vanish without trace
Beneath our shoes is your true place

We will we will rob you
We will we will rob you

Pakistan Zindabad

Congratulations to all my Pakistani brothers and sisters for Pakistan has at last reached adulthood by passing the 18th amendment. We were politically, mentally and ethically minors when the 17th amendment was passed and by passing the 18th amendment we have proved that we are all grown up and adults, or have we really? the ground reality begs to differ. Just because we have an elected parliament along with a democratically elected president does not mean we have defeated the demons in ourselves and have no personal hidden agendas. No sir, it does not.

The people of Pakistan who had deposited all their eggs into the basket of democracy are still on the roads protesting, demanding and fighting for their very basic human and municipal rights. Electricity, Flour, Sugar just to name a few along with various other basic necessities are still no where to be found or are a luxury to afford.

MNA's and MPA's who were suspended by courts for fake Degrees and Certificates are getting tickets again and children are being molested, raped and mercilessly killed, i don't mean to sound negative or pessimistic and i am not implying or blaming democracy for these inhumane acts of terror but all this hurts even more now because we, the people of Pakistan had very high hopes for the rule of democracy, speedy and strict justice, accountability of all regardless of the stature, peace and a just society. But here we are, two something years in the rule of democracy still cursing ourselves and the government.

The saddest aspect of this entire scenario of autocracy disguised as democracy is somehow if mid term elections are held now or in the near future we would again choose the same people all over again to treat us like slaves. This is called being loyal and loyalty beyond any doubts or questions. But we can't help it, in our country we are always presented with two choices, chose the evil or the bad, so the choice that we make comes back to bite us right where it hurts the most.

For our politicians the age old saying should be redefined as "With great power comes an even greater opportunity to lie, cheat and steal" and that's exactly what they do.