Funny People

Today i was stuck in a terribly bad traffic jam at Tibet Centre for about a painful hour or so.  Since i had nothing else to do besides inhaling toxic fumes coming from the buses, listening to the god-awful, psychologically torturing noise coming from the rickshaws and noticing how motorcycle riders will do anything to get passed the traffic jam by using the footpath as the 4th lane of traffic or by being a nuisance zigzagging in front of other cars, i diverted my attention from the fact that no matter what i do i will never get this hour of my life back which i spent slow poisoning myself by observing the doings of the people around me.

As i looked around searching and scanning the proximity for anything remotely interesting besides the Rickshaw driver next to me putting his hand under his kameez and enjoying the sensation of scratching his sweaty armpits and right after eating a samosa with the same hand, i noticed some commotion coming from a mini bus. A mini bus as we all know is always at the heart of exciting and intriguing chain of events so naturally i too rose from my seat to investigate the happenings currently under way in or should i say on the mini bus.

What i saw next was of course filled with irony but was also funny like nothing i had seen in the past couple of years. Two guys sitting on the roof of the mini bus had gotten into a fight and the rest of the roof dwellers were trying their best to stop them but were also trying their best to avoid falling off from the roof of the mini bus, which could later be reported by the leading news channels as synchronized failed suicide attempt by a group of people. The two guys both were in a very awkward position because of the limited availability of space and safety measures provided by the owner of the minibus so they were busy fighting while laying down in a fetal position both holding on to the legs of the other street fighting artist.

In the meanwhile the verbal battle continued on ferociously and i lost count of the women mentioned by name or by relation. When the roof crowd gave up on their efforts to stop the brawl, the driver had to get involved by standing on the entrance by which he enters the driving area and he started trying to somehow separate the two young guns from making a mockery of the sacred roof top of the minibus but he too failed to break the bond of anger and revenge between the two passengers from hell.

This went on for sometime and eventually two Rangers appeared from their mobile which was also stuck in the traffic jam and did the thing for which they are famous for. One ranger pulled the driver down, got up on the entrance and smacked both of the fighters silly. While the other ranger got on top of the roof and brought the guys down by their collars. Things would have gotten more interesting but sadly the traffic started moving and the rangers let them off the hook by giving stringent warnings and lecturing them about the code of conduct while traveling on the roof of a moving vehicle.

I have no doubt in my mind that something like this could only happen in Pakistan, not because of the people happily traveling on the roof of a public transport vehicle and paying the conductor to degrade them, i have seen similar scenes in India where people commute via a train's rooftop but a fight on the roof is our monopoly, only we are this fearless, no other nation or country compares or comes remotely close.

Long live Pakistan, the land of Fierce, Fearless Hearts and long live our transport system for giving a platform to our star fighters to make their debut Nationally .(no pun or sarcasm intended, i seriously mean it)

Death Detergent

A while back I read or heard someone say "Death is only the beginning" and I had trouble understanding this theory. But as time passed not only did I start understanding but I also started to agree with this philosophical statement. Case in point the recent murder of a famous political figure in London, I am not naming names well for obvious reasons, number 1 I like to be alive and number 2, I would like to continue living in Karachi since I do not have dual nationality.

The modern judicial system of our world can be summarized in just one sentence, "Innocent until proven guilty" but what about the people who chose not to face the allegations laid against them in the court of law and instead opted to hide and take exile in some foreign country? Shouldn’t the verdict be then, "Guilty until proven innocent"? I wouldn't be writing this piece of text is the deceased had chosen to face all the allegations laid against him in the court of law, cleared his name and then opted to take exile or did whatever he wanted to do with his life. I am not saying or implying that the deceased was rightly accused for all the things written in his charge sheet but again only if he had decided to rid his good name of all those charges he would have received a lot more applauses and titles during his lifetime not only from his own political party but from his rival political figures too.  

Sadly like with many other non sense making elements being forcefully embedded in our society and social culture death is fast becoming an easy shortcut for many to get their name embellished in gold and cover all the traces of the despicable deeds committed by them, if any, during their life time. 

The recent London incident goes to prove that Death is the best detergent available to wash away all the stains of corruption, lawlessness and all the other brands of crime. This isn't the first time that death has intervened and cleared someone of his/her deeds by taking away the soul and leaving the mortal body to rot in the grave. Rehman Dacoit is still remembered by many as the modern day Pakistani Robin Hood. If he had been successfully apprehended and produced before the judiciary and then handed the punishment for his wrong doings this Robin Hood and Savior status could have been prevented from going to him and consequently many youths who now idolize him and want to be like him would have seen the other side of the coin. Eventually every one of us has to die and face our maker but I hope my life would itself prove enough to uphold my name long after I have been buried and made food for the grave critters. I wouldn't want to live a life of crime and wait for my unfortunate demise and then be called a "Shaheed" for reasons unknown to everybody.

Once again I will take a famous slogan of a famous brand of detergent and use it for my own good by twisting it into saying, "Death to achi hoti hai".

Eid Mubarak

Farewell Ramazan Kareem, a time of abstinence, a time of refrain, a time for divine blessings and a time of receiving joy and bounties, farewell. It's time for Eid now, the time to smile, be happy and the time to let the happiness shine through. I would like to specially convery Eid greetings to the flood IDP's and the brave mother of the two brothers of Sialkot who are now a symbol of human brutality and mob cowardliness. The news of the perpetrators of this heinous crime being successfully apprehended and convicted brings some much needed joy on this otherwise flood drenched Eid.

This Eid is not like the previous eids celebrated by us us a nation and as muslim's. Back in 2005 we found the courage to halt all festivities in honor and in favor of the Earth Quake victims and effectees and this year we will show complete solidarity sharing the same sentiments for our flood affected brothers and sisters. Knowing that the nation is wholeheartedly participating in helping the victims is in fact Eid in itself. Congratulation Pakistan and Pakistanis for showing the world, shutting them up and ending all speculations about us being a divided and patriotically dead herd of sheep rather than a nation. We are a nation and will insha ALLAH remain a proud, mentally, ethically, morally and religiously glued nation. Let us also hope that this eid somehow brings another miracle with itself, a miracle which will cure our corruption plagued leaders, will end all political bigotry and will also end the epic but utter rubbish cat-fight between the judiciary and the government.

Suicide Blogger

Have you ever thought about what would happen if bloggers were brainwashed into becoming extremist, fundamentalist terrorist's?.What harm, pain and suffering would they be able to inflict on the common man and to what extent? Now using or misusing various modern day acronyms i will try to paint a scenario where blogs and bloggers are humanity's worst nightmare and are considered to be public enemy number 1:

A News Caster on CNN breaking the following news:
TBP = Tehreek-e-Bloggeraan Pakistan an offshoot of Afghani Bloggers claims responsibility for the deadly verbal attack in Karachi.

President Bush vows to take a strong stance against the Axis of Adjectives

The CIA submits its reports on finding Sentences of mass destruction in Iraq to the Congress

We fear that Noun Weapons and Verb Bombs could fall into the wrong blogger's hands in Pakistan: President Obama

Saddam Hussain has warned that if America decides to invade Iraq, it would take him just one click to update his blog and unleash the fury via RSS feeds

According to our overseas correspondent in Afghanistan Wordpress Umar is the spiritual commander of the Afghan Bloggers and Blogspot Mehsud is the leader of Tehreek-e-Bloggeraan Pakistan both sharing a common bond and love of a mutual target, to beat the infidel's blog in back links and securing the top spot in search results

Al-Qontent is the extremist element in the ranks of the Afghan bloggers which is held responsible for the epic demise of the fundamentalist afghan blogger regime. Al-Qontent is accused for carrying out various Black Hat SEO techniques on numerous blogs causing the Page Rank of the said blogs to tumble down: APP Sources

Osama dustbin Laden is the chief blogger and Ayman az Zawahiri is the official editor and proof reader of Al-Qontent

The captured blogger has disclosed valuable information regarding his training as a Suicide Blogger, when asked about the training he said, during my training i was taught how to use alphabets to assemble words and sentences and how to use them in a deadly and ferocious way to cause maximum psychological damage whenever the text comes in contact with the human eyes and as well as physical damage through paper cuts if someone was to print my block of text on a piece of paper.