My Only Real Friend, The Spammer

Is it just me or are the email spammers getting dumber by the minute. I have a couple of sincere, simple requests for all the spammers out there, "Get Creative or Get the Hell out of the Spamming Business. I know it sounds harsh after so many years of our "Virtual Friendship" and I acknowledge and thank you all for your sincere efforts to keep me company during my gloomy days. But since you have started to act clumsy and careless with you job, I feel it’s my duty to get you back on the track. And to prove my point, here's exhibit A of your not so intelligent efforts:

I got this exciting email from you today informing me that you have some vacancies at your US office and you would like to hire me for my services. Surprisingly enough, my expertise do not match your requirements but you insist on hiring me anyways just because you like me that much, so here is the email that I got and I will be pointing out the errors of your ways all the way through, my comments and recommendations are included in this pic:

Image of the email that i received and my suggestions for my real friend

So here we are with nothing but an awkward silence between us, see what happens when you are not careful with your words and end up hurting an old acquaintance.

This is what Marathon had to say about your offer of employment

Do you have any idea how much this hurts, i trusted you man, i only trusted you. Why dear spammer, why? you were there for me when i needed a pick me up by telling me that i had won a gazillion pounds, dollars euros, yen etc. You regularly offer to mail me a hot Russian bride even though you know that i am married with 3 kids, you are worried about my "smallness" and offer me inches and inches of manhood everyday nonstop. Sometimes you even offer me cheap medicines for the bedroom because you know that i am no good at that thing, and since i am poor i cannot afford the same medicine at full price.You offer to refinance my home(you care so much that it doesn't even bother you that i do not live in USA), get rid of my credit card debt(even though i have no credit cards), offer me free passes to Porn(i would really like to thank you for that), offer my fat ass various "proven" methods of weight loss and anti virus for my computer. Its these little things about you that i like so much and that is why i cherish our friendship.

After having done so much for me why did you send me false hope about moving to USA and working at Marathon? Why did you make these silly mistakes? is there a cryptic message somewhere in there that you want me to decipher? Please tell me that there is so i can start to trust you again. I know that you will not answer any of my questions but instead will continue to send me fantastic, once in a lifetime offers that could turn my life around. And you will do all this because you care for me, you have cared the crap out of me Dear Spammer.