Fresh from the cellar

There is a lot of hoo hah over the president's latest visit to UK and France. My sources have managed to get the inside scoop of what really went on during the official talks between our President and the Prime minister of UK. The following transcript details the conversation between Cameron and Zardari:

Cameron: Welcome to UK Mr President, i hope you enjoy your stay here
Zardari: Show me the money

Cameron: Mr President, Pakistan needs to stop supporting terrorists and what not
Zardari: I love the smell of freshly printed money

Cameron: Mr President, we are aware of the flood devastation and we will do everything to help Pakistan
Zardari: Oh yes flood, need lots of money, lots and lots of money to launch Bilawal

Cameron: Mr President, we need to be sure that the aid will not be misused.
Zardari: Benazir was murdered and you are worried about the aid being misused, if she would have been alive today, there would be no flood to begin with

Cameron: I understand your feelings but...
Zardari: Pound Khappay, Euro Khappay, Dollar Khappay

Cameron: I am sorry, i did not get that
Zardari: My children are without a mother, i was in the jail for eleven long years, i need the money

Cameron: But what does that have to do with Pakistan's current scenario?
Zardari: Money, money money, must be funny, in the rich man's world

Cameron: Mr president, i want you to know that i firmly stand by what i said while i was in India
Zardari: Who gives a shit, give me the money

Cameron: Mr President, we will need to make sure that the aid reaches the flood affected people and does not get looted
Zardari: Our soldiers and people of Pakistan are dying everyday in the war on terror and i am not getting enough money for it, no system only free money

Cameron: Mr President, the people of Pakistan are dying without proper, food shelter and basic necessities and you are here enjoying a vacation?
Zardari: To make money you need to spend some money and i am here spending Pakistan's money to make some money for myself, whats wrong with that?

Cameron: Ok Mr President, happy independence day in advance
Zardari: Thank you, It has been like two something years and i was thinking of getting married again, what do you think about me and Sarah Palin?

Cameron: No, I meant Pakistan's Independence day
Zardari: Pakistan Independent!!!, yeah right

Zardari Facts

After Chuck Norris and Rajnikanth, here are some fresh facts about Zardari:

Zardari can even rob a man with no money
Zardari can multiply by zero and produce a number greater than zero
Zardari can sell you a piece of land on Mars
Zardari can make sugar taste bitter
Zardari can make anyone a bhutto
Zardari can get away with murder
Zardari can tell an absolute truth and make it sound like a complete lie
Zardari can make money without doing any business
Zardari can deceive the Devil
Zardari can teach the devil new tricks
Zardari public toilets were once made, the problem was they just wouldn't stop overflowing with shit
Zardari can be used as a new term for getting mobbed (Dude 1 : Man i got zardarid on my way back from office. Dude 2: That's so sad)
Zardari can be used as a new term for money laundering ( Jury: We find the defendant guilty of zardari. Judge: I sentence you to 20 years of imprisonment)
Zardari can be used as a brand ambassador for corruption
Zardari can control the flow of money (out of the pockets of others to his own)
Zardari can hug the Alaska out of Palin
Zardari can ask for a donation, at a beggars convention
Zardari is wrongly quoted as being the 5th Richest Person in Pakistan, when in fact he is the richest
Zardari can bug the living bejesus out of Chief Justice
Zardari can make the fake hair on Nawaz Sharif's head fall off
Zardari can bring the dead back to life, whenever he visits the cemetery the dead people run away to save their bones from being stolen

These were but just some of the facts i managed to think of about Zardari, Readers addition are most welcome.