Candidate from Hell

If I was to honestly answer all the HR questions asked during an interview i imagine it would go something like this:

(The characters and events depicted in this article are fictional except for me being genuinely awesome, and any resemblance to persons living, dead, or fictional or situations past, present, or fictional is purely and completely coincidental.)

Q1) Why did you apply for this job?

(This question pissed me off because it fails to make sense to me plus the HR guy was kind of giving me attitude and consequently i was fuming the entire time during my interview)

My Reply: Were you born stupid or life did this to you? Obviously i want to earn big bucks that's why i am here, jackass.

Q2) Why do you want to work for this company?

My Reply: Because i am awesome and i want to give a once in a life time opportunity to this particular company to be awesome by extension

Q3) Why should I hire you?

My Reply: What kind of a retarded, redundant question is this, didn't you hear me answer your previous question

Q4) What would you do if we hire you?

My Reply: Sit on my ass and look dashing all day, talk the talk and avoid any actual work, indulge in politics full time, create chaos and havoc amongst other employees, demoralize and harass them and make them feel insecure about their abilities and doubt their existence etc etc

Q5) What is your biggest strength?

My Reply: My Biceps pumping max power into my wrist while serving a five knuckle sandwich to jokers like you whenever they open their stinking Mithai hole

Q6) What is your biggest weakness?

My Reply: A swift kick to my nut sack

Q7) What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

My Reply: Coming here today for an interview, and i learned that buffoons like you should always be kept away from society

Q8) What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

My Reply: Made my boss cry on more than one occasions

Q9) Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

My Reply: I was required to work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. I messed up the entire attendance system so i only worked 7 hours a day and the system marked my working hours as 10

Q10) Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

My Reply: Company no longer allows me the freedom to work naked and according to the female employees this has made their lives a living hell

Q11) What do you want from this job?

My Reply: The less i work the more respect, appreciation and financial rewards i get

Q12) What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

My Reply: Looking forward to being the C.E.O of the company i work for and for that will do everything to inflict pain and stress on the current CEO until he suffers a life ending stroke or goes insane, whichever happens first

Q13) How Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

My Reply: I heard about the CEO being a good humanitarian and decided to misuse his goodness for my personal agendas

Q14) What is the salary expected and how do you justify that?

My Reply: Well me being born awesome is more than enough to render the justification argument invalid and since no amount of money compares to how epic I am, i can consider letting your company hire a legendary figure such as myself, if the company agrees to make me a partner in profit only and agrees to bear the burden of loss by itself.

In my mind i imagine i got the job and after sometime replaced the current CEO and then lived happily ever after and oh yes after my interview was over the HR guy had this look of astonishment and amazement kind of like he was shocked, lost or something so i bitch slapped him a couple of times thus ending his pathetic little existence.

Dear John

Advice given by a Man's Man



 This is a perfect example of Men and their extra ordinary, sometimes abnormal love for their cars and everything involving an engine and engineering

Dear God

The past few days have been devastating for Pakistan and the people of Pakistan. From the gruesome killing of Mian Arshad, the only son of Iftikhar Hussain to the flood in Khyber Pakhtunkhua it seems like its Pakistan’s turn to face a number of sudden unpleasant chain of surprises. We weren’t done mourning over the tragedy of Data Darbar yet and here we are holding on to our hearts in remembrance of the unfortunate demise of the people aboard Air Blue's flight. What’s happening with us, why all of a sudden so many tear-filled tidings and occurrences? I hope it’s not what I think it is, the countdown for us is over, the time limit has been exceeded and our number has been called.


Oh Almighty we know we were busy cutting a cake for Zardari Sahab on his birthday when Mian Arshad was brutally murdered,

Oh Almighty we know we were busy ordering Bullet proof vehicles so we were not able to compensate the families of the victims of Data Darbar massacre,

Oh Almighty we know we were busy in plotting out our next political move when the Air Blue plane crashed,

Oh Almighty we know we were thinking of new ways of corruption when people were begging to be saved from the devastation caused by floods in Khyber Pakhtunkhua

Oh Almighty we know we were busy overeating and wasting valuable food when people were killing their children and committing suicide because of hunger

Oh Almighty we know we were stealing from the aid received for the displaced survivors of the catastrophic 2005 earth quake instead of helping them

Oh Almighty we know we have wrongfully abducted and imprisoned several people just because of some measly dollars,

Oh Almighty we know we were bickering and fighting over water and hence you sent down a flood to resolve our petty issues,

Oh Almighty we know we are guilty of hoarding when you blessed us with abundance,

Oh Almighty these are but just a few things that we are truly ashamed of, you know best how long the list is, Oh dear god please, please forgive our sins, like you have in the past. Do not be hasty in punishing us, deal with us with mercy and not with justice. We know we have wronged ourselves and others but please we beg you Oh the only great one, please grant us another opportunity to do good onto us and onto others. Please give us another chance to repent, to mend our ways and to prove ourselves worthy of forgiveness by helping humanity. (Ameen)

So True!!

The story of every working class man

I found this picture online and found it worth sharing. A picture like this is really worth a thousand words

Let's Toast to the Ladies

Anti Drinking Campaign - 1919

I don't drink liquor but i do not want to get anywhere near their lips, never ever, ever. This ad is all wrong, in order for someone to actually get anywhere near them one needs to be liquored up, to the extreme. The ultimate sign of extreme being in a constant state of throwing up and that is what i did after seeing this poster, i threw up a little in my mouth. No wonder the whole of America is a huge Alcoholic mess, they did this to themselves just to avoid coming in contact with the ladies featured above. I bet this ad was produced by the liquor companies themselves because they knew the adverse devastating effect of this image on men all over the USA. This ad is a perfect example of reverse psychology, don't show them the evils of drinking instead show them the reward for not drinking and they are bound to drown themselves in alcohol and that is exactly what happened. Hats off to the evil geniuses who came up with such a nasty yet rewarding concept for a campaign.