Terror Idol

After a much awaited and rather joyful demise of the reigning sultan of suicidal psychos, it’s time once again that the people behind the NWO philosophy elect a new Terror Idol to further advance their agenda. The last idol was chosen unanimously by all the judges and he successfully continued to terrify the world for 13 consecutive years (1998 – 2011). But, since even the best thought out plans too must come to an end and so did Osama Bin Laden, May his soul burn in the deepest, darkest corner of hell till eternity. Since the last season of the Terror Idol, the producers have decided on a number of changes including the voting (selection) process and the judges’ panel.

For this season of the Terror Idol, the judging panel comprises of fresh faces. The set of rules governing this show are very strict and stringent regarding who can be on the judging panel, the nationality of the judges and the selection process of a new symbol of terror. Only the face of the judges is allowed to change but their belonging and their undying support for everything anti humanity, nasty, and creepy, however has to remain the same. So without further ado, let me introduce the judges’ panel for this season of The Terror Idol. The first person to be on this panel is none other than Mr. Barack Obama. Barack Hussein Obama is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election. (Source: Wikipedia)

The second person on the panel can be none other than Mr. Benjamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel. Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu is the Prime Minister of Israel. He serves also as the Chairman of the Likud Party, as a Knesset member, as the Health Minister of Israel, as the Pensioner Affairs Minister of Israel and as the Economic Strategy Minister of Israel. (Source: Wikipedia)

The last but certainly not the least member of the panel is the one and only Abdullah, the King of Saudi Arabia. Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, is the current King of Saudi Arabia. On August 1, 2005, he succeeded to the throne upon the death of his half-brother, King Fahd. Previously, as Crown Prince, he governed Saudi Arabia as regent from 1996 to 2005. He has been Commander of Saudi Arabian National Guard from 1962 to November 2010. He is one of the world's wealthiest royals. (Source: Wikipedia)

Since the last season of the Terror Idol was aired some 13 years ago, I think it is necessary to give you all an overview of how things work on this “show”. Terror Idol is a reality show the aim of which is to find the next “Terrorstar”. The show is created by the enemies of humanity and produced by the stolen, hard earned money of the pathetic, easy to manipulate masses, otherwise known as the people living in the world. The concept of this series is to bring forth, the next big thing in the world of terror, war, espionage, conspiracies and international black mailing.

As for the panel of judges, only the wickedest and most evil people in the world are allowed to be on it. Along with being wicked, it is mandatory that they should have the power to manipulate and shape public opinions through the excessive use of propaganda, money and brute, merciless force. According to the international ratings, the last season of the Terror Idol was a huge hit, both with the masses and classes, so the producers felt that someone from Saudi Arabia should continue to be on the judging panel since it involves branding Islam as a religion of blood thirsty freaks. Moreover, the rules clearly state the America and Israel have to be on the judging panel at any cost. Previously, the third chair of the judging panel was warmed by none other than the Queen of England herself. Saudi Arabia gladly agreed for the position of the third judge because of the "Iranophobia" and because it wants to avoid "Anarchy" by keeping the Monarchy alive for generations and generations. Also, it was felt by the producers that since the Saudis want to enforce their version of Islam on the rest of the Muslim world, they will gladly invest and fund the winner, all in the name of Islam and Jihad.

About the other two chairs, Israel is on the judging panel because of the obvious reason of turning the eyes of the world away from the heinous crimes committed by it against the unarmed and poorly organized men, women and children of Palestine and blatantly labeling them as terrorists. Israel succeeds in doing so all because of the nut cases such as OBL that give Islam and Jihad a completely twisted meaning.

America of course has to be a judge since it desperately wants to continue to dominate the rest of the world as the only "Super Power" and wants to poke its nose in everything unnecessarily whether it belongs there or not. To do so it has to have a reason and so it has decided to use Islam conveniently to violate international territories and boundaries and freaks like OBL gladly agree to be its ambassador.

The winner is selected on the basis of how much blood he can shed in the shortest span of time. The more innocent people die, the better his chances of winning. The net body count is taken as the vote, and on this basis the contestant is crowned as the undisputed Terror Idol. The contestant is required to be a complete package of terror, and because of this, the contestant is also judged on the basis of how much pain and suffering he can inflict on people belonging to a particular nation, race, religion or sect.

Now, moving on to this season's contestants. After auditioning hundreds of people, the panel has decided on three finalists. The names of this season's finalists are:

1. Hakimullah Mehsud
2. Aiman Al Zawahiri
3. Saif al Adel

The long list of achievements of all the three finalists can be read on wikipedia.

The winner is yet to be officially announced but the pundits, gurus, and mindless fanatic zombies are all pointing towards Saif al Adel despite the great talent of beheading, suicide bombing, and reckless endangerment of humanity displayed by Hakimullah. Personally i think the judges are biased and don't want to crown a Paki as the undisputed and ultimate symbol of terror and fear. Once again, Pakistan will have to achieve this glory on its own but i am very hopeful because I know for a fact that Hakimullah with the help of the devil will do his level best in getting us this crown and getting Pakistan labeled as an otherwise incompetent but a competent enough terrorist country.

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I Do Not Believe!!!

Another Day, Another Blunder, this best describes the events that unfolded last night at PAF Faisal Base. I don’t care about the nationality of the cursed terrorist nor do I care about their motives. However, what I do care about is the fact that this was the 4^th direct attack on one of the branches of the institution that is responsible to uphold our national integrity and protect us from our enemies. Since my childhood I have been told that India is our enemy and our Army, Navy and Air force is here to stop them and protect me from their evil deeds. All my life I have believed in this notion no matter what the situation was. 

I believed in this notion despite the fact that I saw my children being shoved in a cramped school van and I saw “their” children going to school comfortably in large army trucks. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I saw my wife travelling like an animal in a minibus and I saw “their” wives comfortably commuting in a luxury vehicle with a security squad. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I saw people dying miserably in government hospitals and I saw “them” going abroad to get pills for erectile dysfunctions. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I counted my money while earning it and before and after spending it and I never saw “them” present their budgets in the parliament or assembly.

I believed in this notion despite the fact that I travel on a motor bike and I see “them” traveling in nothing less than a Pajero or Land Cruiser. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I paid taxes and Sales tax on everything and I saw “them” buying subsidized food that was Sales tax free. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I was stuck in this scorching heat, because of V.I.P movement,  with my daughter pleading me to get her away from the sun and I saw “them” comfortably sitting in their high priced, imported, air conditioned cars accompanied by an entourage of security vehicles. I believed in this notion despite the fact that most Pakistani’s do not have their own roof over their heads and I saw “them” get plots, apartments and bungalows, absolutely free from DHA, before and after retiring.

I believed in this notion despite the fact that people are dying on the streets without committing any crimes and I saw “them” spent billions of rupees on their own security. I believed in this notion despite the fact innocent civilians are dying in suicide attacks and I had seen “them” creating those same suicide bombers 20 years ago. I believed in this notion despite the fact that I have to suffer through load shedding, street crimes, merciless inflation, no health care, absolute ridicule and I saw "them" get 60% share in the National Budget. I believed in this notion despite the fact that now no country allows my work or immigration visas and I saw “them” traveling on a British passport. I believed in this notion despite the fact that "they" are responsible for my security and I saw “them” protecting  “National Interests”.

I believed in this notion despite the fact that the entire Hotel Mehran road was closed because the “chief” was in the guest house. I believed in this notion despite the fact that they let the bald devil go free when instead he should have been hanged for good. I believed in this notion despite the fact that they allowed every corrupt soul back into Pakistan, absolutely guilt free with all their previous criminal records erased. I believed in this notion despite the fact that we agreed to let Raymond Davis go free. I believed in this notion despite the fact that Osama was found hiding in Pakistan.

I believed in this notion despite the fact that most of the most wanted people were able to score a safe haven in Pakistan. I believed in this notion not because I feared that I might be labeled as a traitor for speaking against “them” but because I truly believed in this “institution” and its abilities. 

But now, I refuse to buy it, and I choose not to believe in it. You knew very well that the C.I.A/RAW/Mossad/TTP/Al-Qaeda/Any Other Secret Agencies were up to no good, and yet you continued to sleep. Even after three consecutive attacks in the same month, you still chose to hit the snooze button and pretend as if nothing has happened. Now it’s your turn to believe and get disappointed in the end. You can still choose to believe that your are fooling the nation and continue on with the loot and plunder but the reality is that the end is near, nearer than you actually anticipated.

Porn Really is Everywhere!

So, word on the street is that Osama had a little collection of porn hidden away in the compound/fortress. Well it makes sense, he had to watch something exciting besides watching himself on the TV and as luck would have it, the anchors and newscasters on Al-Jazeera are far away from being labeled as "eye candy". They have yet to disclose the particular category of porn found stashed away in the compound, but we can safely assume that it belonged to either one of the Bestiality, Old people, Gay or Rough category.

Now I know that people will say that it’s all cheap propaganda to defame an already notorious character but let’s not forget that OBL was human after all. He too had needs and greeds. And since he was on a self proclaimed, self righteous holy mission, he had holy urges to procreate little Osamas that would in turn frantically run around threatening to behead anything that moved. But alas, his dreams never saw the dawn of reality and his wives refused to raise little Osamas as warrior prince. This fact is evident from the will disclosed by the Kuwaiti newspaper in which Osama orders his sons to stay the hell away from Al-Qaeda, just to save face. 

There is one more thing that fascinates me more than anything. It is revealed that he was hiding in this compound for the past 5 years and during those years he never once left the compound or went out. It’s simply amazing to know this because he had three wives in the compound so it’s three times the nagging and the complaining about “You never take me out” or “We were so outgoing during the time we spent in Afghanistan hiking and mountaineering etc”. If Osama has to be respected about something it has to be this amazing control over his wives. My god, I can’t even imagine the luxury of not going out and not being nagged crazy, continuously about it. I salute you Osama for this achievement, and well, for being able to hide your porn from three wives simultaneously. You really were a hide and seek champion from 1998 - 2011.   

For Every SON, there is a MOM

Ma, Mom, Mother, Mai, Moi, Maaji, and under special circumstances General Ammi are some of the numerous titles by which I dare to address my most respected after God, Mom.

Ma, thank you for not letting me turn out to be captain imbecile, thanks for keeping me disciplined and most of all thanks for being the galaxy’s greatest mom. You are a natural and transcendental leader, the embodiment of compassion and a towering structure of care and I consider myself the luckiest joe alive only because I get to call you MA.

Mom if it wasn’t for you I would’ve turned out to be a pampered, spoiled, good for nothing, absolutely useless brat (thanks to dad). It was you who threatened to smack the chap off my lips, beat the stupid out of me, punish the mischief off my evil mind, and let me tell you ma, your threats worked. I was stark raving scared of you and your super powers. Powers such as the ability to read my mind, to see into my soul through my eyes, to anticipate my next atrocity and always stopping me dead right in my tracks before I could actually perpetrate anything. No matter how good a plan I made, you were and still are always a step ahead of me.

Mother, it’s because of you that my life is a never ending vortex of awesomeness, coupled with greatness and ubercool. Thank you for allowing me to bask in your glory, feel protected under your gratifying shadow and for teaching me how to live life in a way that’s both legendary and inspiring. Sadly i have not managed to live up to your expectations because of my refusal to listen to you.

Mai, it still fascinates me how you are always able to hit the bulls eye just by looking at me. You are able to accurately predict the temperature of my fever without even using a thermometer, you know when I am depressed or worried regardless of the huge smile on my face, and you know my next move without me explaining you the complete scenario. This is something above and beyond telepathy, a human WIFI, 4G, Bluetooth connection with you being the server machine and me being the workstation, nothing I do is outside of your knowledge and i am always protected from outside intrusions, viruses and attacks by your firewall.

Moi, I have you to save me from the wrath of God, but i can have no one to save me from your wrath if I decide to be a complete loser by disrespecting, dishonoring and hurting your feelings. I am a firm believer that Paradise lies underneath your feet and I think it’s because of the fact that Almighty wanted Paradise to know that it is not the greatest creation created by him and so he placed it under your feet and secondly Almighty wanted you to know your greatness, the height of your status. Not only did he place it under your feet but gave you complete authority over who gets to enter and not. Moi over the years I have asked you for everything and I beg you, please when it comes to handing me the keys to Paradise do not hesitate and remember my wrong doings and deny me entrance.

General Ammi, i also believe that the cursed devil would have had a chance of being forgiven on the day of judgment if only he had a General Ammi to pray for him, but come to think of it, if he had a General Ammi he would never have gone astray and as a result gotten damned till eternity. His General Ammi would have immediately knocked some sense into his egomaniac brain and he would have gladly bowed down.

Maaji, i would like to let you know that i refuse to let you off the hook, i am your liability now and will forever be one. You need to figure out a way to care for me, help me, protect and rescue me whenever i get into trouble with people, situations or even God. Ma i sincerely, regularly and with all my heart pray for you to get a long, healthy and prosperous life but please make yourself available whenever i need you, even from your grave and beyond it from the other realm because i am sure you can do that, being a maaji and all.

To wrap my speech in your honor, i would like to add that your prayers are the wings that give me flight, your blessings act as a shield and cover and hide my shortcomings, errors and mistakes, and if ever the world respects me for me it would be because i respected you for you. Thank you Ma, seriously and sincerely for everything; for giving me life, for bringing me into this world, raising me with utmost love and care and looking after me till today and for the rest of my life. I owe my life to you, i owe everything awesome to you, you are my mom and i am your son, that would not change even if i get to live a 100 years, I'd still be your little boy.