Pakistan needs YOU

Ladies and Gentleman, Hear Yee Hear Yee,

Once again we as a nation are required to help the green shirts out their misery in the ongoing T20 World Cup.

You all are therefore requested to perform the following actions for the sake of Pakistan and Team Pakistan:

• Since there is no way in hell that Team Pakistan can reach the semi finals, finals and defend its title by itself, you are all requested to pray like there is no tomorrow.
• Start repenting for your sins and for the sins committed by Team Pakistan at least one hour before Pakistan and South Africa face off.
• Watch the match in a state of complete ablution while seated on a prayer mat.
• Instead of concentrating on watching the match, concentrate on praying hard with tears in your eyes.
• Contact a certified Voodoo Master or Witch Doctor and pay him to cast a horrible spell on the Proteas as to kill them, physically cripple them or temporary making them insane, whichever option is doable.
• Recite Holy Verses so our team concentrates on the match and not on the spectators or the cheerleaders and consequently does not drop any catches or misfields in a state of horniness.
• It is highly recommended that people should be in a state of Prostration all the while the match is in progress.
• Consider Proteas as the advocates of The Devil, curse and verbally abuse the crap out of them.
• If somehow Pakistan manages to reach the semis, it automatically becomes mandatory on everyone watching to feed two hungry poor people.
• The Semi Final should be watched only by people observing a fast.

If Pakistan does manage to reach the semi's, then the finals and miraculously defends its title then you are all allowed to party in the streets, raise the roof, let loose an orgy of public property destruction, cause a mayhem and disrupt traffic and let all hell break out because we are the champions of crazy, crazy champions indeed.

Bravo boys, Bravo

Congratulations to team Pakistan for finally getting what it really deserved, getting almost kicked out of the T20 event. Seeing Pakistan lose restored my faith in divine justice, you reap what you sow.

Pakistan is on the brink of getting disgracefully eliminated and this is the only logical answer of its sucking, and man did Pakistan suck in this tournament, kind of broke all previous records of sucking by any team, not counting Afghanistan as they are pretty new to the game of cricket and sucking, but otherwise Pakistan did a wonderful job.

Afridi in the post match interview seemed quite happy and content with the performance of his team and himself and why not, all the Pakistani players are very sure of the fact that they are all indispensable and nothing they do or don't will affect their permanent spot in the team.

We surely would have made a complete mess of it all if it was Pakistan fielding on the last ball and the fielder was Saeed Ajmal. He not only would have dropped the catch but there would have over throws as well since Kamran Akmal would not have been able to collect the ball cleanly with his head shoved up his own ass and consequently not being able to see the ball, the bowler would have been standing in the middle of the pitch scratching his behind mimicking a chimpanzee, Afridi would have been preoccupied with the thoughts of which ad to do next and the rest of the numb nuts too busy in conspiring against Afridi or some other player.

Salman Butt tried to be a smart ass by shifting the spotlight on to poor Abdul Rehman, banishing, cursing and leaving a ugly scar on his remaining career. But what else can we accept from a player with the caliber and mindset of Salman Butt, a politically classic move by a not so classic dimwitted player.

The most annoying part of watching Team Pakistan getting the crap smacked out of it was watching it on Geo Super. Geo Super not only crossed the limits but it ventured into new depths of vulgar display and distasteful timing of advertisements. After every minute or a couple of balls the viewers were forced to watch the disgustingly inserted ads which were only adding insult to injury.

The only good thing to come of this T20 Event was Wasim Akram and his acting talent. Wasim bhai you have for sure proved that you are a much better actor than Shahid Afridi, much better by miles. Congratulations on achieving this milestone and conquering a new frontier. And congratulations to Shahid Afridi too for not being able to defend the title but at least he does not have any dandruff in his hair so it makes everything OK and since he has the best mobile connection in town, he can send everyone a SMS explaining what went wrong and how.

As for Pakistan another title, another honor and another great opportunity is about to bite the dust but who cares, not me for sure.

Awesome I.T Songs of All Time

My Code Will Go On – Celine Dion

Right Here Testing for You – Richard Marx

(Every Project I Do) I Do It For You – Bryan Adams

Nothing’s Gonna Change My Code For You – Glenn Medeiros

I Will Always Lead You – Whitney Houston

The Sound of Software – Simona & Garfunkel

I Just Coded To Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder

I Still Haven't Found the requirements - U2

Come Code With Me - Frank Sinatra

Programmers Working Overtime - XTC

Project Will Keep Us Together - the Captain and Tennille

If I Can't Change Your Requirements - Sugar

Bittersweet SDLC - the Verve

I Heard It Through The SRS - Marvin Gaye

Everybody's Coding - Harry Nilsson

Take Me To The Server - Al Green

Sympathy For The Client - Rolling Stones

The Project In The Bubble - Paul Simon

Papa Was A Project Manager - the Temptations

Ain't Too Proud To Test - the Temptations

Last Great American Bug - Lou Reed

Back In Linux - AC/DC

I Feel The Requirements Move - Carole King

You Should Be Coding - Bee Gees

Big Portal, No Hits - Randy Newman

That's The Way (I Nuke It) - KC and The Sunshine Band



More to come soon

Stand up for the losers

I am not a devoted follower of cricket per se but whenever Pakistan is playing i do take some time out to watch, hoping to see Pakistan loose. I know this must be sounding very unpatriotic to the readers but for a moment stop being patriotic and think from a rational point of view. Does Pakistan really deserve to win big titles with such players and performance? The answer is a plain, simple and honest no.

Luck might favor the brave but victory favors hard work. Pakistan did not and does not deserve to win while riding on the shoulders of luck alone, the glory of being crowned victorious belongs to them who keep their feet firmly planted on the foundation of hard work and dedication.

Do we ever see the players of Australia, South Africa or England complaining about luck or hidden elements of nature? no we don't, why, because hard work triumphs luck most of the time, the only team fit to curse luck is South Africa and we don't see them doing that at all, never ever.

Only cowards and sore losers blame others and other things for their failures and short comings, real men take steps to avoid failures and set backs and when they are faced with failure they do not give lame excuses to cover their own faults.

In today's match the run out of Afridi was a classic and repetitive example of a cricketer having suicidal tendencies. But that's not all, Saeed Ajmal takes the cake for being the hero for England. Thank God he is able to hold on to his set own set of balls better then a cricket ball. I wonder if and when the management of the Pakistani cricket team sends him off to England or any other foreign country to get him examined for the holes in his hands. But will he or we learn anything from it? No way, we are too proud a team, a team of Talentless, Money Hungry Fame Whores.

Whenever i see the manipulative face of Kamran Akmal my blood starts to boil, i don't understand, why the hell is he still in the team. How hard is it for a keeper to collect the ball cleanly and hit the stumps. Why don't Sangakara or Brandon Mc Cullum act like morons while in the field. Why is Pakistan the only team to be bestowed with this honor of having a moronic under qualified wicket keeper.

Now for the cherry on the cake, we have a notorious match fixer himself as a fielding coach. Having known this fact and mentioned it here i believe i should stop writing because it all makes perfect sense now, the coach, the players and the fielding.

Congratulations to England for being the better team and playing a better game, lets see what excuse our great captain comes up with in his press conference.

Brain Hemorrhage

Pakistan has been constantly facing biological warfare from India for the past almost 10 years or so and this war is being fought in a very sophisticated way through a lifeless and seemingly harmless apparatus known as Television or the Idiot Box. Because i get Star Plus on my cable service i would insist on calling my T.V as an Idiot Box simply because whenever star plus is on, it makes my T.V look like an Idiot. And not the good kind of Idiot as in 3 Idiots but an Idiot Idiot.

But things only get worse from here, not only do the Indian channels make my T.V look bad, the serials or soap operas being aired on them can easily kill anyone with a brain by giving them a Brain Hemorrhage, thankfully i don't have the habit of watching such over the line dimwitted programs.

But all is not well, i fear for my family as my wife and my mom are simply addicted to them, and i fear that they might get effected by Brain Hemorrhage or at least get dumber and dumber if they keep on watching such non sense making, pretend goody goody, religiously subliminal trashy programming.

A couple of days ago me and THE wife got into an argument over the remote control of the T.V and the remote being in her possession, i was forced to watch a serial with her. But as soon as my brain realized the catastrophic situation, it went blank, fortunately because of all the wonderful documentaries and quality reading my brain has programmed itself to not accept and save any trash or rubbish.

While watching the serial i could literally and figuratively feel my brain cells committing suicide, my wit being dimmed, my common sense being violated and got the distinct feeling of my intelligence being raped. And it was then that a whole new dimension of the term "SERIAL Rapist" became visible to me. Before i started to bleed out of my eyes and ears, i stopped watching, just to live another day.

The serial was poorly directed, ridiculously scripted, over acted by every actor, lacking any concept of any kind, was far away from any ground reality and made absolutely no sense what so ever at all.

The Dialogues were poorly written, the women were always crying, the men were always in the house but their business went on smoothly without any problems or any need of their presence, all of the cast members lived in huge lavish mansions, the men have nothing better to do then to participate in womanly affairs, the stupid twists in the story, Plastic surgeries and narrow escapes from death every time but the most strange thing was how the characters greeted each other in a typical hindush way was perplexing to say the least.( i have been to India myself many times and i have yet to see any real person greeting or being greeted the way they show in their serials).

The makers of such serials are bona fide superior quality Douche-bags, but what anger's me the most is they think the audience is made up of complete dumb asses who would gladly watch their serials and let them make a complete fool out of themselves at their own expense. Cultural media war fare is one thing but trashy T.V, now that's just insulting and ludicrous.

I am sure there are many people out there who share the same views as i do but keep in mind i was compelled to write about this after watching only one episode of one serial, and i am sure the people who are forced to watch these serials regularly would have a lot more and a lot worse to say about the lame serials being aired on star plus and other Indian channels.

Practice safe viewing (wear ear plugs and blindfolds)to avoid STD's (Satellitically Transmitted Diseases)spread by the Indian T.V channels, may God save us all from Brain Hemorrhage and other diseases spread by the Indians now and always. (Amen)