You Know

You know you are poor when you sit outside of your house with your laptop turning on its WIFI hoping to steal someone else's wireless

You know you are poor when you wait late at night to steal petrol from someone else's car to use it in your own

You know you are poor when you dream of saving your farts to use as CNG

You know you are poor when you wish you were there at the latest Oil Spill just so you could have collected a free year's supply of oil

You know you are poor when you insist that the man filling petrol lets the very last drop of petrol drop into your petrol tank

You know you are poor when you believe that 2 tooth brushes are enough to last a year

You know you are poor when you do not order delivery to save the tip

You know you are poor when you are hungry as hell but still wait till midnight just to avail the midnight deal

You know you are poor when you ask is there any discount on the buy 1 get1 free deal

You know you are poor when you are constantly on the hunt for deals on anything

You know you are poor when the thought of shopping at Makro turns you on

You know you are poor when you proudly show off your Suzuki FX

You know you are poor when you president asks for aid, from Ethiopia

You know you are poor when you start calculating how much you’ve spent on your kids

You know you are poor when you polish your shoes once a year

You know you are poor when you supposedly go away on a trip just to avoid giving Eidi to kids

You know you are poor when you slaughter a chicken on Eid-ul-Adha

You know you are poor when the bank’s recovery people insist on giving you money

You know you are poor when you use a dial up connection to connect to the internet

You know you are poor when you color you hair black with crayons

You know you are poor when you write your name; address and telephone number on a piece of paper and use it as your visiting card

You know you are poor when you and your wife both use the same cell phone

You know you are poor when you continuously look at the ground while walking in the hope of finding some money

You know you are poor when you bargain over fees with your doctor

You know you are poor when you fake a serious illness just because the ambulance ride costs less than a cab

You know you are poor when no bank offers to give you credit cards

You know you are poor when you try to save your good mood for later use

You know you are poor when beggars on the traffic signal bug every car except yours

You know you are poor when you President is Asif Ali Zardari

You know you are poor when you wait for load shedding to enjoy a candle light dinner, at home

You know you are poor when you still have a ball mouse instead of an optical

You know you are poor when thieves at gun point rob artificial jewelery off your wife and you go to the police station to launch an FIR against them

You know you are poor when a mosquito coil serves two purposes at your home, to drive away mosquitoes and act as a room freshener

You know you are poor when cockroaches at your house commit suicide to avoid death by hunger

You know you are poor when the vendors at light house know you by name

What i want

I want Pakistan to be like the Incredible Hulk, take no shit from anyone and smash to bits everything that comes in my way attitude.
I want Pakistan to be like a reverse swinging in swinging yorker, you miss i hit
I want Pakistan to be like Mc Gyver, resourceful at using anything and everything as a weapon
I want Pakistan to be like Zidane, headbutting every country in the world that tries to annoy us
I want Pakistan to spank the living daylights out of India out of Kashmir
I want Pakistan to show up as the toughest fu**ing mad ass fighter at every UN meeting
I want Pakistan to stick dynamite sticks up every TTP member's poo hole and light it
I want Pakistan to make an action figure of Ahmedinijad and distribute it free to children
I want Pakistan to take a crap on white house's lawn
I want Pakistan to declare Kim Jong-il as its long lost fraternal brother
I want Pakistan to ask other countries to pay ransom to us for not blowing them up
I want Pakistan to name Fidel Castro as the Uncle no one talks about
I want Pakistan to stop getting involved in useless shit created by others
I want Pakistan to whip some much needed sense into Baloch Separatists
I want Pakistan to get its water back from India via missile target practice on their dams
I want Pakistan to name Abdul Qadeer Khan as the baddest Nuclear Scientist ever
I want Pakistan to form a mafia with China, Iran, North Korea and Russia and call it The Fantastic Five
I want Pakistan to employ the Queen of England as the head maid in the President's House
I want Pakistan to ask Hugo Chavez about the appearance of "balls" and how to use them

The Quality Inequality

QA or Quality Assurance is all about developing and implementing solutions with a specific purpose, avoiding the dreaded "OH SHIT, OH CRAP, OH GOD' situation/s but Quality Assurance as commonly perceived by the majority of nitwits is not just about Testing. Yes i agree, testing is a big nay huge part of QA but Quality Assurance in no way can be encapsulated in a nutshell called testing. There are many other factors that contribute just as much as testing towards the successful development of a commercial product that passes the benchmark engraved in stone by the Organization, the standards set by the Client and the standards put in place by the Industry.

The very first and basic requirement of Quality Assurance is, the organization itself should have a Quality Conscience attitude with a strict and a big fat "NO" on making any compromises what so ever on Quality. Hiring absolutely qualified people not the kind who wouldn't know Quality if it bit them in the ass, creating and maintaining a productive, professional but friendly environment across all departments (Zero Toleration towards politics and below the belt personal attacks) ,acquiring tools and latest technologies(Absolutely No Penny Pinching), proper training and human resource management (The right person for the right job) all play a vital role in the development of a product which the company could later boast about.

Then comes the client and his standards, more then often a client will expect quality but will refuse to grant the time or dough required for it. This is a true fact and sadly this is the nature of the outsourced I.T Industry, so what to do in this situation? kick the quality factor out of the product? well you would be a ultra moron if you do so. The simple yet effective solution here is to school the client about the benefits of quality development and quality management. If the client has just an ounce of foresight, he/she will agree and let have your time and required bucks to develop a rich in quality product, but please, please refrain from misusing this opportunity for financial or any other form of unethical gains.

Next come the standards set by the industry itself, here the rule of thumb is that do not assume or think that you are wiser, more intelligent then the person who developed a particular standard. You can be a dumb ass but never a wise ass in this case. Yes the space to innovate is always there provided you are equipped with the knowledge necessary to put the wheels of innovation in motion. The people who developed these standards in the first place knew their business, they worked hard and worked intelligently and then came up with these standards, they demand and deserve respect so honor them by following or innovating them but steer clear from disgracing them by being a quality moron.

People who believe in quality do not vomit rainbows as some myths might suggest, the basic difference between normal and quality cautious people is paying attention to details. There is no such thing as NO QUALITY, but yes there is High Quality and Low Quality.

Quality Assurance is one of the most boring jobs in the world, you are surrounded by paper work all the time, but if you want to look at it from a different angle here's one, consider it as an adventure, because when you are surrounded with paper work the danger of getting multiple repeated paper cuts increases thus endangering your life and making QA an adrenaline pumping adventure.

The QA team is never allowed to assume and you cannot let your mind wonder off, doing the same thing meticulously over and over again gets you your pay check. You have a long list of documents which needs to be updated every time a minor or a major change is requested/forced, the list itself and each and every document on it. The irony is that everyone else is allowed to make mistakes except for the QA team as you are supposed to rectify all the mistakes committed by others.

Main Shayar to Nahi (I.T Mix)

Main coder to nahin
(Main coder to nahin, magar ae framework
Jab se use kia maine tujhko
Mujhko programming aa gai)
Main tester to nahin, magar ae application
jab say test kia main tujhko
mujhko testing aa gayi

Main coder to nahin
(Language ka naam maine suna tha magar
Syntax kya hai, yeh mujhko nahin tha khabar)
Main to uljha raha amateur ki tarha
source main ghusa raha eik bug ki tarah
main error to nahin
main error to nahin, magar ae test environment
jab se dekha maine tujhko
mujhko bug fixing aa gayi

Main coder to nahin
(Sochta hoon agar main overwrite maarta
Backup utha kar k tawaan maangta)
Jab se black mail tujhko main karne laga
tab se jaise ameer main honay laga
Main data theif to nahi
Main data theif to nahi, magar ae open database
Jab se dekha maine tujhko
Mujhko data migration aa gayi

Main coder to nahin magar ae framework
Jab se use kia maine tujhko
Mujhko programming aa gai
Main coder to nahin

The Un noticed everyday Superhero

My dad, my superhero, my larger than life idol, my ideal and favorite personality and my reason for having faith in humanity and having faith in God, because of you i firmly believe that there is a higher power who really cares about me and gave you the task to watch over me from the ground below while he does the same from the heavens above.Thank you dad for everything, seriously for every little and big things. I recognized you even before i developed face recognition ability, i recognized you by your voice and by your touch. I know you held and carried me continuously for hours on, you must have felt tired but you couldn't bear to set me down because you feared that i might get hurt.

Dad, how can i repay you? i don't think its humanly possible for me and i am sure of this now because i myself am a father and i am going through the same things that you went through and i too have developed the same emotions but i am no where near the parenting standards set by you, your patience, compassion, understanding and the sacrifices you made for me.  From the time i started to recognize faces, the time i took my first steps, i uttered my first words, i remember you being there always by my side smiling and there to take care of whatever mess i got myself into regardless of the situation.

Dad, you know i don't believe in celebrating mothers or fathers day because i think its the most cheap and inhumane way of honoring the greatest personalities, greatest helpers and greatest care takers one gets to know. If it was up to me i would declare every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every month of every year, mothers and fathers day and even so i wouldn't be able to just start thanking you for everything you did, you do and will do for me and my betterment.

Dad, they say being a parent is the worst job in the world, you don't get paid, there are no holidays,overtime or extra benefits and you have been doing this thankless job for the past 31 years non stop. For the past 31 years you have been taking first class care of me, and now you are doing the same for my kids and your grand kids, sometimes i wonder what good did i accidentally do to deserve such a wonderful man like you for a father. I know i am far from being the best son in the world, heck i don't even  come any close at being a good son but dad let me take this opportunity to tell you that i try my best, i really do and when you say that you love me and are proud of me it makes me happy, very glad and satisfied. Thank you dad for supporting me through thick and thin, through sad and happy times, through hot and cold seasons, through scarce and unlimited means.

Dad, i owe everything good to you, without you by my side i would have been nothing, an absolute loser and a terrible waste of mind, body and soul. It is because of you i learned to talk the talk and walk the walk. You taught me greatness, survival, compassion, humility and modesty. Dad i can go on forever but i know you get bored very easily and being a man's man you too don't like to get emotional, so i will stop now by once more thanking you and by saying Oh dear Father Take me Further, Further into valor, knowledge and parenting.